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NINTENDO has announced plans to introduce a Wuii game featuring country music icon Willie Nelson.  They made the announcement at last month’s Electronic Show in Las Vegas that their next release would let players travel around the country with Willie Nelson and Family on their concert tour.

In addition to the band, other characters in the game include Kinky Friedman, Sean Penn, Snoop Dogg, Jessica Simpson and the Fryed Brothers, to name a few.   Highlights include attendance at one of Willie Nelson’s famous Fourth of July Picnics, including camping out, staying up all night listening to music and swimming nude in the lake.  Or you can opt to be on the crew and take over for Budrock ’Buddy’ Prewitt and operate the light board.  Some lucky players will get to go on Willie’s bus, which he has named ‘HoneySuckle Rose’, smoke a joint with him, and play a game of dominoes.

Willie Nelson’s publicist announced today that Willie will star in the movie version of ‘Bonanza,’  the television show that ran from 1959 – 1973, originally starring Lorne Greene as Ben Cartright, Pernell Roberts as Adam, Dan Blocker as Hoss and Michael Landon as Little Joe.

Nelson will play patriarch Ben Cartright, 3-time widower, who had a child from each of his three wives.  Shooter Jennings will play Adam, Woody Harrelson will play Hoss and Owen Wilson stars as Little Joe.

In the movie, Pa Cartright is upset that his sons continue to live at home and refuse to move out and get their own places.  He longs for the day when he can  run away to Texas with his Mexican girlfriend Rosalita, played by Selma Hayek. 

Ben and Rosalita hatch a plan to have a large party at the Ponderosa and invite beautiful women from all over Nevada, in the hopes that his boys will finally meet someone and move out.  Ben even invites some handsome young cowboys, in the event that any of his sons may be secretly frequently fond of handsome young cowboys.

The party is in full swing, and Rusty Spurs and his Cactus Cowboys (played by Johnny Bush and his band) play music while the guests dance,  when a young man runs into the ranch house and yells out that horse thieves have stolen all the horses.

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As it turns out, Ben Cartright’s nemisis, El Guapo, played  by Paul English, and his no-good sons Juanito and Jorgito, played by Sean Penn and Mickey Raphael,  have taken off with the Cartright herd and all the horses of their wealthy guests.

Ben and the boys call in favors of local outlaws ’Los Machachos,’ played by the Fryed Brothers, who help them find the horses and bring the Guapo brothers to justice.   There are a few plot twists in the end, involving a pet monkey and a runaway stagecoach that adds to the film’s excitement.

Filming starts later this summer at Willie Nelson’s western movie set town of Luck, Texas. Willie will record the soundtrack, which will include Willie’s recording of the beautiful Bonanza theme song, sung in the video here by Lorne Greene.

**** APRIL FOOL’S*****

Willie Nelson’s management announced today that Willie Nelson and Family will spend all of April 2009 touring Colorado.  Willie Nelson said this about the tour: “I miss Colorado.  April is so nice up there, warm sunny days, blue skies, snow on the mountains.  I look forward to playing the Bear, in Evergreen, Tulagi’s in Boulder, and the Fillmore in Denver, places I haven’t been to for a while.  I play so much in Texas, I just thought I’d spend a month in Colorado with some fans there.” 

Willie’s tentative schedule:

*** completely fictitous

Scribner & Sons has announced that Lana Nelson has received a seven-figure advance to write a tell-all book about her father, Willie Nelson.  The book, with the working title, “Wipe your feet before you get up on this bus!,” is Lana’s story of growing up as Willie Nelson’s daughter, and life on the road with her outlaw dad.

When Lana was asked, “Why now?  Why write this book about your dad now?” she responded,  “Oh, I want to write it now while we can both remember things”

Is everything in the book true? 

“Oh, heck no, but who’s going to know?”

Willie Nelson was reached on tour and was asked what he thought about Lana’s revealing book about him. 

Have you read the book?

No, not yet.  She hasn’t written it yet.  We’re just spending the advance now.  Maybe she’ll write it when that’s gone.

Are you concerned about the information she’ll reveal?

“No, I’m kinda lookin’ foward to readin’ about what all I’ve done.  I’m glad one of us can remember what happened.  I think I’ve had a lot of fun, and I want to know what it was I’ve done.”

Lana, who has promised that the book will ‘knock your socks off,’  was asked for hints about the secrets she was going to reveal.   Wives?  Drugs?  Fights?

“Yes,” was all she said.  But she did throw a couple teasers:

Her dad does not smoke marijuana.  “Dad hasn’t smoked pot for 30 years. It’s just a rumor we keep circulating for his reputation.”

Her dad is the not the only one Lana tells stories on:

“Bee Spears does not play live at concerts.   His music is all taped.  He hasn’t played in years.  So we haven’t paid him in years.”

“Aunt Bobbie hates when Dad asks her to stand up.  She  threatens to quit after every show, until he promises he won’t make her stand up again.  Then the next show, he invites her to ’stand up and  let the fans see you’.   They’ve been at that for years.”

“Mickey Raphael hates country music.”

“Billy English is listening to the Grateful Dead on his headphones during the shows.”

“The original title for ‘Me and Paul’ was ‘Me and Paul and Mickey,’ but Paul English beat dad at a game of chess, and he had to drop Mickey’s name from the title.”

If you want to read more about Lana’s book, visit
www.StopthebusIwanttogetoff.com.

***** APRIL FOOLS! *****

Willie Nelson accidently outed himself as an employee of the Central Intelligence Agency at a concert at the Willie Nelson Theater, at Carl’s Corner, Texas last month.  Nelson, who had been at a CIA staff meeting before coming to the show, forgot to remove his hat when he took the stage.

A Pentagon Employee, who did not want to be named, reports that Nelson was recruited to work for the CIA while a student at Baylor University.  Now, after fifty years with the agency, Nelson has been forced to step down.   When asked what he would do now that he could no longer be a spy, Nelson said, “I’m going to concentrate on my music career.”

CNN and other major networks interrupted their programming today with the breaking news that Willie Nelson had disbanded his Family Band. 

“I was off the road for a couple  weeks with a bad cold,’ Nelson told CMT. “I was bored and I upped my meds and  was looking at some pictures of my band, and I realized, “My band’s getting old.   So, I thought it was time for a change. I texted the band members on their cell phones that the band was folding, and I think it surprised them, because we’ve all been together for 30 or 40 years.   But you add up all our ages, with the crew and you’ve got about a thousand years there.”

Sources close to Nelson report that Nelson will spend the next month rehearsing with his new band, and plans to start a tour next month in Colorado.  Willie’s new band members:

Nora Jones, piano, vocals

Newcomer ‘Myra’ will accompany Willie on her harmonica

Taylor Swift on Guitar

Sheila E on Drums 

Western swing band ‘A Few Spokes Short of a Wheel’  will feature accordian, back up guitar and percussion.

REUTERS.  Olympian Gold medal winner Michael Phelps released a press release today to fans and sponsors that he would never smoke marijuana cigarettes with Willie Nelson. He said he had never done it before, and he wouldn’t do it again. And he apologized to fans and family and especially his sponsors, he’s really really sorry to his sponsors, for the embarrassment he caused them when the picture of him smoking a bong appeared in a tabloid magazine. Rumors about Phelps and Nelson spread around the internet when he was seen at a Willie Nelson concert in New Jersey last month.

Privately, Phelps tells friends that he wished he’d been smoking weed with Willie Nelson on his bus, instead of in a dorm room with strangers will cell phones.

“Yeah, I wished I’d smoked with Willie. He would never take my picture and sell it to a tabloid.  His bus would have been so much cooler than that dorm room, and I bet is pot is better, too.“

Willie Nelson has announced his support for rodeo monkeys, and is speaking out against discrimination perpetuated towards them.  “The Rodeo monkey is a dying breed,” Nelson said, “I encourage everyone to support the cowboy monkeys, and adopt one today.” 

As part of his support, Nelson has asked Whiplash the Rodeo Monkey to  go on tour with him and perform before each of his concerts.  Whiplash has his own bus.    Willie Nelson and his family encourages you to write your Congressman and ask him or her to support Rodeo Monkeys.  And Border Collies, too!

 Ray Benson, of Asleep at the Wheel fell asleep at the wheel late Friday night, while driving with his band outside of Austin, Texas.   Fortunately, no one was injured, however his band was forced to walk across miles and miles of Texas along Route 66, until they were picked up by a young man driving a Hot Rod Lincoln, who gave them a ride home.