The Rules of Golf


Helpful Rules are Par for the Course
by Del Lemon

Entertainer Willie Nelson is well-known for his love of golf, especially the kind played on his Pedernales Country Club in the Hill Country west of Austin.

And when you come to play at Wille’s place, bring your sense of humor because certain rules apply.  Here are the six best rules of golf every written (and yet to be approved by the USGA) by the one-man rule committee, Willie Nelson:

  1. A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.  Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game.  The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from that point, preferably from atop a firm tuft of grass.
  2. There shall be no such thing as a lost ball.  The missing ball is somewhere on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else.  It thus becomes a stolen ball.  You should not compund the felony by charging himself a penalty stroke.
  3. If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped.  The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to maintain a position in the atmosphere without support must drop.  The law of gravity supercedes the law of golf.
  4. Same thing goes for a ball that stops at the brink of the hold and hangs there, defying gravity.  You cannot defy the law.
  5. Some thing for a ball that rims the cup.  A ball should not go sideways.  It violates the law of physics.
  6. A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as “you could blow it in” may be blown in.  This rule does not apply if the ball is more than three inches from the hole.  After all, no one wants to make a travesty of the game.

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